Happiness In Families Is Developed, Not Innate April 2, 2010

What’s the one thing you as a parent can do that will actually make a difference in positively effecting your children’s performance in school, emotional health, and likelihood of developing obesity or drug problems? Studies show the simple act of regularly eating dinner together as a family accomplishes all that.

Today’s researchers are now finding that many things that we traditionally thought of as innate human traits such as happiness and talent are actually more a result of nurture instead of nature. That means that we have control over how happy or talented we are. It’s a mistaken belief to think that some people are born more talented or happy than others. Studies show that talented and happy are the way they are because of their actions and behaviors, not any innate trait.

I recently read a fascinating review by Nancy Shute of USNews.com of the latest book to show us that there are many steps we can take to make ourselves happier parents. The book, Raising Happiness, was written by Christine Carter, a sociologist who studies happiness and also a mother.

Carter’s advice to parents is founded on solid science and provides often simple solutions such as why praise is a much more powerful tool to promote good behavior than punishment or nagging.

The book review mentions two simple steps to more familial happiness. You determine when you are happiest with your kids and what part of your normal day with your family routinely causes suffering. Step two is to structure your day so that you routinely get those happiest moments every day and so that you eliminate those routine pain points.

The review gives the example of bed-time reading being the favorite time of day for the author, but she couldn’t always be home at that time so she switched the bed-time reading to after-school reading so she could be sure she would have that time.

Another thing the author did at that bed-time reading session was to talk with her children about three good things that happened that day. This is another simple but powerful technique that research has shown makes significant improvements in happiness and self-confidence.

The review said that Raising Happiness is full of simple, powerful steps you can take to increase your happiness as a parent and the happiness of your children. It comes well-recommended.